Constant Change
Yesterday would have been my grandmother’s 95th birthday. To celebrate I made grits, fri-chick (veggie meat), and fri-chick gravy. For once I got everything right. Perfect. It tasted almost exactly like hers and I know she would have been so proud. And I know she would chide me for being sad. “Don’t waste your time being sad on my account, I’m resting and waiting until Jesus comes back and His face will be the first one I see!” Read that in a southern accent and that’s what she would say.
Dealing with grief is one of the hardest things about life. Something I’ve come to realize is that the intensity of the love we have for someone, our pets, or even our dreams/hopes directly corresponds to how much we hurt.
It can be tempting to try and numb ourselves to our feelings so that we don’t experience hurt but I don’t believe that is an effective or healthy coping mechanism.
From personal experience, facing emotions and asking myself questions about them helps to process and heal. Allowing myself to feel and acknowledging that they exist is a first important step. Asking the why behind them usually comes next. Why do I feel this way? What does this say about me? What brings these feelings up? I may not always have the answer but it can help to process whatever I’m going through.
If there is one thing we can count on, it’s change. Some say that change is the only constant in this world and that’s good news when we are going through hard times. When I remind myself that these feelings or the intensity of them right now won’t last, it helps me to accept and acknowledge them for at least just today.
Tomorrow has its own problems and I’ll deal with them then. But just for now, today, I’m going to be aware of my thoughts and feelings, and allow them to pass on by when it’s time. Maybe there is a reason for what I’m feeling right now? What can I learn about myself? What can I work on or improve? Am I able to just accept that I feel this way for now and leave it at that?
Just writing out these thoughts and questions has helped me some already to process the pain of her absence in my life.
If you are dealing with grief as well recently, I’d like to encourage you to do some mindful reflection today and pair it with some deep breathing exercises. Especially when the emotions hit in full force. Purposeful breathing can be so wonderfully cleansing.
Remember that it’s okay and completely normal to feel it all. I firmly believe that our loved ones are never 100% gone as long as we remember them, speak about them, and share our memories of them.
One of my favorite memories of my grandma was her chasing the wild turkeys through the pasture on the way to her garden! She would just all of a sudden take a sharp turn to the left, off the gravel road, and down the hill into the pasture after the turkeys just for the fun of it! She was such a vibrant soul.
I wish you all a week full of joy and comfort if your heart is needing that right now. No matter what difficulty or pain you're going through, remember that this too will pass.
Much love,
✌️Caroline ❤️
Published: 10/24/2021
